I started feeling out of sorts last night and struggled with it all day today. By “out of sorts” I mean that instead of experiencing pleasure, my internal climate was riddled with negativity. I was angry, I had a low opinion of myself, and everything felt pointless.
This perplexed me because less than 24 hours earlier I felt fabulous! Normally, I am happy, excited about things in my life, and view most of my challenges through rose colored glasses. So, what happened?
After struggling with it all day, trying to process my emotions and make sense of them, I realized that I was suffering from too much doing and not enough being. I needed to balance the scales to get my equilibrium back.
A few years ago, I remember someone telling me that when they felt like that, they would go in their backyard and sit in the hot tub. As they soaked in the soothing water, they would pour their heart out to God until their pleasure outweighed their pain. This seemed like a good idea to me, but I don’t own a backyard or a hot tub, so I had to improvise.
I dusted off the patio furniture on my balcony, brought the cushions in from the garage where they were stored for the winter, and grabbed a pillow, a blanket, and glass of wine. After I was all settled and cozy, I began a conversation with my Creator as if he was a friend sitting right there beside me. I told him everything that was bugging me and I asked him what he thought.
Then, I remembered that gratitude usually ushers in joy, so I began to express my thankfulness. I thanked him for the tree that was starting to show signs of life, the sunset that was making the clouds pink, and the sound of cars driving by which meant that I was part of a community. I was beginning to feel better, but I could sense that something more was needed.
It was only after I visualized his loving pouring over me and into me while at the same time singing worship songs that the scales finally tipped toward pleasure. But, I am not going to lie. The wine also helped!